What the hell happened to music? Granted, it’s all subjective and individual tastes vary. But if the music industry bases it’s output on the tastes of the masses, then the masses can eat a bowl of Nicki Minaj’s armpit hair. Warmed. Like pasta or ramen.

My biggest peeve is the new Folk Rock sound made popular by such acts as Sandford and Sons, The Luminonions, The Head and The Heartburn, The Long Decemberists and Phillip Phillimina Philanthropist Phillerup Glass-Half-Phil Phillips (Your…American…Idol!!!).

Look, I like banjos as much as the next guy. And by that I mean both me and the next guy don’t like banjos. And sure, all the aforementioned musical acts write stirring lyrics about such topics as birds and longing and rain drops and severe mental illness and the like. They even have soaring choruses such as “Ho” and “Ha” or even “Ooooh oh oh oooOOOh!”, obvious nods of the musical hat to Byron or Keats or Whitman or Walden or Waldo. Whatever.

So when will this pre-fabricated trend of down home, folkified emasculated “rock” end? Never. It will never, ever end. And by that, I mean it will end at some point, but will FEEL like forever! Like forever with a fiddle, a whiny vocalist, a group chorus and a banjo.

This is another thing that pisses me off about these groups, I see through them and am amazed most people can’t! They are like the earthy, hipster sensitive guy at the bar. It’s their shtick. They talk about getting back to basics, how social and environmental justice is imperative in a society consumed by consumption, they quote philosophers and eschew conformity. And deep down, they really just want to get rich and get laid. But they would be the first to deny such base urges…as long as they get to play Jimmy Fallon and bang Taylor Swift. Or play Taylor Swift and bang Jimmy Fallon. Whatever floats your banjo.

Until the time that this genre of “Dusty Overall Rock” finally is sent out to pasture, I will be “Ho-ing” and “ooh-ing” to myself as I edit my new book “The Joy of Cooking Nicki Minaj’s Body Hair : A Heart Healthy Guide To Folical Cuisine And Crappy Pop”

Bon appitite, bitches!